A run with my ex

Week 8/Run 24
Miles
28 minutes

Okay. Seriously??!! WTF!!

Life has been going pretty good for me lately. I have lost some weight, I am gaining more energy, starting to feel like I really am moving on and bettering myself. I can feel myself getting stronger both mentally and physically. True I go home alone every night, but I am working on myself first.

Yesterday, my co-worker brought me to her jewelry to see how much I could sell my wedding band and engagement ring. I was thinking I would be offered $600 for it. But I almost burst into tears when he said that he could only give me $400 for the set. $400!!! My beautiful engagement ring that I wore every day since the time I got it in 2004. My beautiful engagement ring that glittered in the light and had the more diamonds then I ever had on my finger. My beautiful engagement ring that has little hears carved in the metal where the diamonds are set. Just $400.

Some people have told me I should keep it and wear it anyways, but I never will. To me that ring is cursed. I want nothing more to do with it. But the jeweler was very nice to me and told me to head over to Kays or Zales and see if I could trade it in. So this Saturday I will make a trip over there to see what they can do for me. This is a very big step for me.

Then last night I was lying in bed reading and just when I was about to set my phone’s alarm I noticed it. My ex had tried to call me. What could he possible want from me? He took everything away from me, what else could he want? So I texted him back to see if he might have called me by accident. Since it was almost midnight and he called at 10:30pm I figured he must have went to bed (sleeping in the bed I helped pay for). So I tossed and turned almost all night. Why did he call me?

In the morning while I was getting ready he texted me back. This is how it went:

Ex: Yeah I did

Me: Why??

Ex: Nevermind…sorry if I woke u up or something

Me: I don’t go to bed at 10:30

Ex: Well u didn’t pick up so I figured you where either or busy…I guess it was busy then

Me: I was in the middle of something.

That was it. It is killing me not knowing what he wanted. My mind is swimming with different thoughts. Could he have known that I was trying to sell the ring and was now p-off at me? I doubt it. What I really think it is, is that the Superbowl is coming up this weekend. For the 8 years I have known him, we have had a Superbowl party. The last one I threw together was awesome/horrible all at the same time.

I always went all out for the Superbowl. I feel like I lost alittle bit of myself last year because I didn’t get to do what I normally do. This year I am invited to a party which makes me happy. But I am wondering if my ex has no one to watch the game with. I am pretty sure his cousin who he hangs around, doesn’t watch it. Maybe he will have to watch it all alone on that 52’ inch flatscreen (which I helped pay for) alone.

But I guess I may never know. I am not going to beg him to tell me. Curosity killed the cat. I don’t want to be sucked into thinking that he cares anymore. Sometimes I have thoughts of him calling me up and begging me to come back to him. I imagine myself saying “No” and leaving him in tears. But sometimes I imagine myself saying “Yes” and having him back in my life again.

I would be an idiot if I went back to him. How am I supposed to heal this broken heart if he keeps calling and ripping it open? Thank god I have this jogging program. It’s the only thing that keeps me focused and motivated. I would be home eating McDonald's and ice cream. GRRRRR!!!