Week 1/Run 3
1.20 Miles
20 Minutes
For some reason my ex decided to call me just to say "Hi". This always makes me nervous because I know there is always more to it then just saying "Hi". What was really strange was that he called me once at 1:05pm on Tuesday and then again that say day at 8:30pm. I talked to him briefly when he called me at my lunch time (1:05) but was very short with him. I think the whole conversation lasted 3 minutes. I missed the other call at 8:30 though.
Instead of just ignoring the fact that he called me a second time, I texted him on Wed. I was curious and wanted to know why he had called. He told me he just wanted to say "hi". I thought this was really strange and told him he already did that earlier the same day. He said he knew. Okay....
So we went back and forth texting each other. I refuse to ask him how his life is going but he insists on knowing how my life is. I know he wants me to be "Happy" and it bothers him greatly when I say I am miserable. Plus my birthday is coming up so I know he must have some guilt going on. Whenever he asks me if I am doing okay, I always try to choice my words carefully.
Since I want him upset and bothered, I love telling him that I am miserable, sad and depressed. It seems to have a better effect on him. He shows some kind of emotion and for a few brief moments I have my old Johnny back. But then when I get off the phone I hate myself. I am not that miserable, sad or depressed. Some nights I feel lonely but for the most part I feel happy and free. So when he was texting me back and forth and I started taking the mopey Laurie road I quickly change courses. That's when my little lie came out.
This is how the texting went. I don't know what made me say some of these things. I couldn't control myself.
Ex: Ok...that's fine....sorry I bothered you - This was after I told him I didn't need his help anymore
Me: Don't be sorry. I am awesome. I can see why you would want to talk to me.
Ex: Yeah you are.
Me: You have no idea. You would like me 100 times more now. I do so much more with my life. I am planning on running a half marathon in 2011. - This is true. I am planning the Disney Marathon in 2011.
Ex: Wow nice....my gym buddy has done that....sounds fun...but a half marathon is a little much for me- HE HAS A GYM BUDDY!!!???? hahahhahahahaha
Me: That's why you start with a 5k. I running one in June. I have a marathon trainer. He is getting me into shape. I can now run 2 miles non-stop. - WTF was I saying!! Who is the trainer that I say I have?! 2 miles non-stop!! I can't even run 1 mile!!
Ex: Nice what pace/incline?
Me: About 4. I run horn pond alot and on the treadmill. I vary the incline.- The lies just kept coming out of my big fat mouth.
Ex: Good for you... you should be proud of yourself. I am happy for you.
Me: I am proud. I plan to do the Boston Marathon by the time I am 30.
Ex: Wow....congrats, lemme know if you do.
What's wrong with me? I don't know why I thought that lying would help me. Now I am just more upset with myself because I can't do what I said. Why would I lie anyways? It won't get him to be with me. I don't even want him back in my life again. I just need to just get him out of my life.
So about my first full week jogging/walking, I think I did really good. So I am off to week #2 starting on Sunday. Yay me! I am also starting WeightWatchers AGAIN to try to lose some of this weight. I would like to lose just 5lbs a month. That's my goal. I am pretty crazy for starting a diet 2 weeks before xmas, but I have to start somewhere.
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